One Day At a Time

I recently had a groundbreaking 'revelation' in my realization that life should be lived one day at a time. One day at a time, one moment at a time, one stage at a time, one something at a time. Pick a time frame appropriate for the task at hand. I have been acutely aware of the wandering of my mind from present to past to future, and so I have been better able to control that wandering. I have been able to lead my mind to pleasant and present thoughts. Dwelling in the past often brings me thoughts of embarrassment or wishful thinking to change things already done; and dreaming of the future often brings me unnecessarily anxious thoughts of anticipation or fear or whatever. All of those emotions based in past and future I find to be generally unpleasant ones as they are typically falsified by embellishment of the creative imagination. I prefer truth in life, generally--if you can find beauty and joy in truth as opposed to bleak sadness or other emotions. I don't need to falsify life's happenings.

By living in a present time frame, I find my happiness has been much more constant and steady. I have fewer ups and downs, and definitely less downs. When I do live in the past or future, I do so with some sense of awareness. I am cautious when I think outside the present moment. Living in the present has led me to take action. Actions really do speak louder than words (more on this in my next post). I spend more time really doing what I want, and doing what I want typically brings me happiness. You can have all the brains in the world, but it's what you do with them that matters.

So know what you want, and do what you want. It's okay to not always know what you want though. If you don't know what you want, make your time frame smaller. If you don't know what you want for your career, focus on what you want for the year ahead. If you don't know what your goals are for the year, limit yourself to thinking about what you want for the month or what you want for one day. Do this for each activity in your life--your career, your projects, your weight loss, your thinking. Just choose a time frame that feels doable and appropriate. If its not doable, you won't do it. Duh. Eventually, you will live in the moment and see clearly all the choices before you at every second. When you are aware of those choices, you are better able to act in a way that will bring you happiness.

"I got the blues thinking of the future, so I left off and made some marmalade. It's amazing how it cheers one up to shred oranges and scrub the floor." --D.H. Lawrence

Here is a webpage with some quotes I like about past, present, and future.

Now quit thinking about this crap and go shred some oranges! One day at a time.

Happiness--A Sometimes Not So Simple Task.

"We choose the path we take but sometimes the path can change. The East becomes the West, the North becomes the South, the normal becomes the abnormal, and the fantasy becomes reality."

Early this week a very dear lady asked me, "How do you maintain a constant state of happiness?" I chuckled to myself and very simply replied, "I don't." I am not in the business of perpetual happiness. I am in the business of life. I see no reason to be unhappy, but sometimes there is so much more to experiencing life than reason alone. Sometimes, emotion trumps reason. And I'm okay with that. To the very dear lady, I went on to explain my statement with what shaped up quite nicely into my unofficial pseudo-guidelines for experiencing life:

(1) Every action is the result of a choice.

Every move I make is the direct result of a personal choice. These choices can be acted upon sub-consciously or consciously, but my actions are the results of choice-making either way. One must live with the choices one makes; so choose wisely, for a future spent looking back is not a happy future. To live consciously is to act with awareness. To act with awareness is to live in the moment.

(2) Live in the present.

When you live consciously and act with awareness, you release yourself of your past and future. A mind occupied by thoughts outside of the present moment is a cluttered mind. Your best can not come from a multi-tasking mind. When you live in the past, you live with regrets. When you live in the future, you live with worry. Neither regret nor worry can bring happiness. The present presents you with choices that determine your future, and happiness is a choice.

(3) When in doubt, respond to life with logic and reason.

If for some reason you become lost in life, and you find you can not live with the choices you have made, take action so that your future may be different from your unhappy present. Should you find the thought of your life unbearable, try a different lifestyle on for size. Any new or atypical action is a step away from your momentary circumstances and a step toward happiness.

(4) Love.

When one is able to love and accept oneself, one is better able to love others; and to love others creates an exquisite natural and self-perpetuating high. Giving love to others brings love and positivity into your life. The more you give, the more you get. Feeding on that positive energy creates more positive energy upon which others may feed.

I've learned in the last six months that life can be lived as fast or slow as you want it to be lived. You can play by the rules or you can break them. You can sit passively or you can stand actively. You can use your mind, or you can depend on the minds of others. Bottom line, actively participate in your life; make choices that have consequences with which you can live happily. And when you lose sight of that--which, we all do--do something about it. All hope can never be lost. Never is it too late to turn your circumstances around. Tonight I dealt with some demons. I used logic to forgive myself and free my soul at last of some past regrets. I acted.

The Task of Happiness

If I have faltered more or less

In my great task of happiness;

If I have moved among my race

And shown no glorious morning face;

If beams from happy human eyes

Have moved me not: if morning skies,

Books, and my food, and summer rain

Knocked on my sullen heart in vain:--

Lord, Thy most pointed pleasure take

And stab my spirit broad awake;

Or, Lord, if too obdurate I,

Choose Thou, before that spirit die,

A piercing pain, a killing sin,

And to my dead heart run them in!

--Robert Louis Stevenson

Relationships.

I am flipping through Colleen Baldrica's book, Tree Spirited Woman. It's sort of like every other book on "spiritual awakenings" and all that inspirational self-help jazz, but this is geared more toward women to make it just that much cheesier. Anyway, it's just a small booklet, which I find handy and easy in my fast-paced life this summer. It's not big enough to feel daunting. It's just the right size to keep my brain turning on a slow moment.

This morning I read a section about relationships. It made me smile to think of all the new relationships I formed this last school year, and how all my previous relationships changed so dramatically too. Good god. I experienced an abundance of awkward moments this last year--all of which are streaming through my mind in great detail at the moment.

It's funny when you allow yourself to step outside your mind and consider what may be going on in the minds of those around you. I know that I am not at all static, and I am incredibly dynamic. I get into trouble though when I assume that those around me are static. People change. People change on a long-term scale over the course of years, and people change on a very short-term scale. What upsets a friend one day may not bother them at all the next day. And then the next day the very same thing might infuriate them. It's all a matter of what has been going on in their life up to those moments. And unless you are foolishly forgetting to live your life, you cannot be expected to live and understand the lives of others in an attempt to gauge their reactions. Live for yourself. Tread lightly in the lives of others and understand those around you are always changing.

On that note, I especially love looking at relationships I've shared for more than a few years. Some people I used to hate I now consider great friends, and I think of them fondly. Some I loved dearly years ago I am now not so close with. Some I hardly knew at all years ago I am now intrigued by. I have changed. They have changed. I guess I will have to wait and see how these same relationships change in five more years.

No matter what the dynamics of each relationship in my life, you can bet I love them all. Every relationship serves a purpose and fulfills different human needs. Each one is unique and has its own dynamics. You may learn from it, or the person on the other end may learn from it. A relationship is a relationship. Foster each of your relationships in a way best-suited to that relationship.

Life's Mirror

There are loyal hearts, there are spirits brave,

There are souls that are pure and true;

Then give to the world the best you have,

And the best will come back to you.

Give love, and love to your life will flow,

A strength in your utmost need;

Have faith, and a score of hearts will show

Their faith in your word and deed.

For life is the mirror of king and slave;

'Tis just what we are and do;

Then give to the world the best you have,

And the best will come back to you.

--Madeline Bridges

Happy Thoughts 2

Just being happy is a fine thing to do;

Looking on the bright side rather than the blue;

Sad or sunny musing

Is largely in the choosing,

And just being happy is brave work and true.

Just being happy helps other souls along;

Their burdens may be heavy and they not strong;

And your own sky will lighten,

If other skies you brighten

By just being happy with a heart full of song.

--Ripley D. Saunders.

I am not everyone. And everyone is not me.

Success
He has achieved success who has lived well, laughed often and loved much; who has gained the respect of intelligent men, and the love of little children; who has filled his niche and accomplished his task; who has left the world better than he found it, whether by an improved poppy, a perfect poem, or a rescued soul; who has never lacked appreciation of earth's beauty, or failed to express it; who has always looked for the best in others and given the best he had; whose life was an inspiration; whose memory a benediction.
--Bessie A. Stanley.


Just the other day I had a breakdown. Between waking at 5:00 in the morning to prepare three pack meals and organize my life, then biking an hour to my 8:00 a.m. class to slosh around in wetlands and fens and retrieve soil cores, then biking an hour to my place of employment to stand on my feet and greet customers for 8 straight hours as though I was the happiest most awake person in the world, and then biking another hour back home after closing until 9:30 at night--well, it was more than enough to wear me out after a full week of that.


Of course I called my lovely cousin. We think very much alike. It's very easy for me to be put back in a positive mindset with her help. After our discussion, I realized I had been comparing myself to 'people' all week long.


So a little background. Our car broke down before this week, and my brother's bike was in the shop. Given our drastically different schedules, he needed the car. And I was happy to bike, as I had been biking pretty regularly already anyway, although I was far too out of shape to push my body as hard as I did this week. But here's what really killed me: as I grew more exhausted, I began to convince myself that I was weak if I couldn't complete class and work and life as well and as happily as before that week. I convinced myself that placing foolish demands on my body made me a stronger and better human being. Stronger and better than what?! Stronger and better than others. I was comparing myself. And when I finally did break down, to my brother I calmly said this:
I just feel so weak, because I have so much and I am sitting here crying about it. There are people in the world that can't even get a job with good pay or even a job at all. They have to feed their starving family. And they have to pay rent. And they have to walk or ride a rickety bicycle to fetch dirty, polluted drinking water. I, however, have a great job I really enjoy, have no mouth to feed but my own, am living for free in a lakeside cabin, and have a great little bicycle that gets me to class so that I may have an education. And what am I doing? Crying. I just feel like such a weak human being.


My cousin caught me red-handed when I said that to her. I was directly comparing myself to the rest of the world. I forgot that "I am not everyone. And everyone is not me." I am myself. And to act or think as anyone other than yourself is a waste of energy. I don't like wasting energy. I like being efficient. My best is my best. My body is my body. And I forgot to treat my body and my mind with respect and care. My cousin reminded me that all these wonderful things I have are tools I can use to help all those with so little in the world. It was foolish of me to think that I was any less of a person for having so much. What is foolish, however, is having luxury and not using it to leave the world a better place--not using it to leave "the world better than he found it."


So today I'm well-rested and feeling much better. I am going to remind myself when I get too tired, that sometimes it is okay to be a little late to class and to give only 90% at work. And if my peers, professors, coworkers, and employers don't understand my situation, I will have to accept that. I can only do my best from day to day.




And I close with another poem:
I find earth not gray but rosy,
Heaven not grim but fair of hue,
Do I stoop? I pluck a posy.
Do I stand and stare? All's blue.
--Robert Browning

Happy Thoughts--A Lovely Gift.

Tonight my 'sister' gave me a gift. It was a small booklet titled Happy Thoughts collected by Everett Thornton Brown. The first poem is a stunningly perfect representation of my day today.

It was only a glad "Good morning!"
As she passed along the way,
But it spread the morning's glory
Over the livelong day.

Today--most days for that matter--I was feeling exceptionally chipper. At my job in a very busy retail store, I was working the checkout. Each time I greeted a customer, they seemed to cheer up a bit. It is as though we humans get lost in the monotony of daily life, and to have someone genuinely recognize your existence with just a simple "Good morning!" can be quite pleasant.
Numerous times throughout the day I received some very heartwarming compliments from customers and coworkers. Happiness can be contagious. Simply be joyous, and share your joy with others. Greet people with a genuine "Good morning!" instead of a fake and lazy "Oh man am I tired!"
And if you just plain don't feel happy or joyous, try faking it for a couple minutes. Once you set a smile upon someone's face, it will inevitably bring out joy in you.

I had a great discussion with my father tonight. He quite passionately agreed with my statement "there's just no reason to be unhappy in life." At this moment in time, I believe we all have two choices: be happy, or be the opposite of happy. Make a choice and live with it.

Happiness & Beauty

What is beauty anyway? I find it interesting when one rebels against what they might consider the 'status quo' among human beings--stick-thin magazine models, for example. Of course, such air-brushed beings are far from the norm. But I think some people can look at such media and find an easy release or outlet of their stress by criticizing what they irrationally claim to be a norm. Can you admit this for yourself? Have you not ever looked at your favorite actor/actress and compared yourself? If you honestly never have, then please let me know, for I am confident we could have a wonderful and lengthy discussion in which I would find great delight. Such a comparison often results in either a criticism of that person or a shoulder pat for yourself. I shall not claim that either action is good and/or bad, but I am wondering if either action could bring anyone long-term jump-up-and-down sing-at-the-top-of-your-lungs happiness. I think, at this moment in time, that such comparison could never bring anyone true happiness.
Is a skinny model with smooth skin wearing the latest in fashion beautiful? Is she beauty?
If you are thinking, 'hell no,' or 'hell yes,' then I am curious what leads you to believe she is or is not beautiful.
Is a sixteen-year-old tattooed young man beautiful? Is he beauty?
If you are thinking, 'hell no,' or 'hell yes,' then I am curious what leads you to believe he is or is not beautiful.
Is an overweight peer with an occasional blemish wearing hand-me-downs from her mother beautiful? Is she beauty?
I am curious
If you are thinking, 'hell no,' or 'hell yes,' then I am curious what leads you to believe he is or is not beautiful. My answer? Well I cannot know if either of my three examples is beautiful. "Beautiful" is a tough word. I still have no definition that satisfies me. I think all people are beautiful, and all people are ugly.

Once upon a time I struggled with accepting my body. I was a very unhappy soul inside. I used to look at models in magazines; and, instead of proactively making changes to improve my health, I very inactively hated all the skinny little models in the world. To me they were all ugly, and I was beautiful because I supposedly 'loved myself for who I was.' Well that's a load of kaphlooey. I didn't really love myself for who I was at that time in my life. I only said so because it seemed easier to point fingers away from myself at the time. As it turns out, I was only making things harder.
I foolishly claimed to love myself while hating others. That brought me no happiness. I didn't want others judging my weight, so I judged others for their weight. What a silly concept.

Judgement and comparison do not bring me happiness. This I know.