Monday, February 27, 2012

The illusion.

Life is no more than a game—an illusion, rather. It is imagined. It is a series of walls built up by our minds so as to distract ourselves from the real enjoyment. We construct these walls in an attempt to evade the feelings associated with difficult emotions—and those emotions are perhaps the most important of all emotions! How individuals express or suppress those emotions is of vital importance to the development and overall happiness of an individual. By not expressing them we dig ourselves an ever-deepening rabbit hole. The more you resist the expression of these emotions, the harder it is to climb out of the rabbit hole.

So as you continue to construct and strengthen the walls around the fortress that is your eternal joy, you are not so much protecting your joy from the harm of others as you are inhibiting yourself from knowing the diverse array of possibilities that await you. And as you limit your awareness to only a narrow strip of reality, your inner joy grows bored. It wants to experience life, and you neglect it only to build a wall that further shields it from the influence of outsiders. So in this way, life as you imagine it becomes bleak and bland, void of creativity. You’ve built your walls so high that the sun seems to no longer shine, and in your darkness you are stuck—you believe so fervently in your body’s physical distress from wading through all the muck that you literally have no energy to think. To remove a brick and peek out to admire the sky is an action that simply doesn’t occur to you! ‘Oh no, you can’t remove a brick! That’s not normal! Everyone else is laying bricks!’ In those terrifying moments of omniscience, you yearn so deeply to release yourself of all inhibitions—to rip down the walls and express everything bound up inside your heart—but your knowledge of social boundaries (just more walls created by your imagination) reminds you of the glares you would most certainly receive from onlookers. And you shrivel up again. You cower behind the walls and pretend you saw nothing. You deny your conscience. That! is not life. That is sleep. You were so intoxicated with naivety that you passed out. An alcoholic! You are mistaken in your assumption that everyone else is on the right path. The only path right for a man is that which he paves on his own. No words can communicate with perfect precision an idea. Words are not to be valued as ideas. Words are tools. Words are tools used to build walls. Too much focus on building those walls turns you into society’s slave. Only when you pave your own path are you able to make the necessary choice to be free of your boundaries. Listen to your conscience! Stop building walls and tear them down! Open yourself to all the possibilities and experiences awaiting you, and begin to live a life of joy.

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

You are beautiful.

I've got a big, round nose, and it's perfect.
I love it.
Fleckled with faint freckles, that blend with a bland palette.
Fair skin and soft curves,
and pink lips untouched by fake color.
They're perfect. I love them.
A crooked tooth and a complexion that's not smooth.
A smile that smudges the cheeks to my hair,
curly, unruly--like the girl in the shell.
Thank God for my eyes.
They're incapable of lying.
A straight shot
to that gentle heart of gold,
that won't quit trying.

It's so easy to believe you aren't beautiful. At least for me. There's a delicate mental balance.
Treat your body right and with respect, and you will love yourself no matter what. One day at a time. Love your body and your self as you love others. If you can't find beauty in the flaws of other humans, you will never find the true beauty of your own 'flaws.' Love others and love yourself. You are beautiful. Stay human.
Peace & love.

Saturday, August 20, 2011

My Faith In Humanity.

On the car ride home last weekend I was pretty quiet and pensive, but in a good way. My brother was quiet too. We killed the time by randomly asking eachother, "What are you thinking about?" when it got quiet for too long. It was kind of refreshing and honest.
At one point I replied to him, "I think people should do what they want." I think. Mostly. Because I believe people are inherently good. I believe people know somewhere deep in their hearts and minds what 'good' is, how to do good in the world, and ultimately that doing good brings joy into their lives. In the end, people want joy for the long-term. So if people want joy, then people should do what they want. One of my favorite quotes by Abraham Lincoln--"When I do good, I feel good; when I do bad, I feel bad. That is my religion." Just do what you believe to be good. As long as you are honest.
When I do as I want, my mind is clear. I am in a present frame of mind. I act. I speak honestly. I am happy. Those around me are happy. blah blah blah blah blah.
When I do not as I want, I am sad. My mind is riddled with worries of the past and future. I underachieve. I try to please people despite my needs, which then ends in displeasure to those people whom I was trying to please. And it might end well in the short-term, but I think we can only lie to ourselves for so long a time until it takes a toll on us. I think when you act, it must root from an honest place or else it will not bring you genuine joy. (Disclaimer: sometimes we do not always know from where we act, and I believe that is okay as long as you learn later).

After explaining all that to my brother, he said something that struck me. "You place too much faith in people."
How much faith is too much faith? I think the world's people could do with a little more faith in themselves and others. I had a grade school teacher that started all of his classes by saying something along the lines of 'you all have my respect until you do something to lose it.' When someone puts that much faith in you, the average person tends to live up to it. When someone has no faith in you, the average person will live down to it. Not having faith in someone is like saying, "I don't think you are good enough." And when you have such a defeatist attitude, why should anyone want to even try to prove you wrong if not out of stubbornness? I got better shit to do than waste my time trying to convince someone I'm good enough for them.
Sure, I've gotten into a lot of trouble with my faith in humanity. I've been hurt before. I've looked like a fool before. I've been embarrassed before. And I hope to continue on that path, because my faith in humanity has also brought a lot of beautiful, incredible people into my life--great people that have taught me lessons and helped me grow into myself.

"Every flower got a right to be bloomin'
Stay human
All the freaky people make the beauty of the world."
--Michael Franti....You simply must listen to this song

I guess for now I'm pretty content bein freaky. It's a beautiful world out there with lots of people that are all beautiful in their own ways. Every flower's got a right to be bloomin, every human's got a right to be human. If you are interested in real stories of real people, I find The Moth podcast to be really refreshing. It brings me back down to Earth every morning over coffee.

Stay human. You are enough in my eyes.

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

One Day At a Time

I recently had a groundbreaking 'revelation' in my realization that life should be lived one day at a time. One day at a time, one moment at a time, one stage at a time, one something at a time. Pick a time frame appropriate for the task at hand. I have been acutely aware of the wandering of my mind from present to past to future, and so I have been better able to control that wandering. I have been able to lead my mind to pleasant and present thoughts. Dwelling in the past often brings me thoughts of embarrassment or wishful thinking to change things already done; and dreaming of the future often brings me unnecessarily anxious thoughts of anticipation or fear or whatever. All of those emotions based in past and future I find to be generally unpleasant ones as they are typically falsified by embellishment of the creative imagination. I prefer truth in life, generally--if you can find beauty and joy in truth as opposed to bleak sadness or other emotions. I don't need to falsify life's happenings.
By living in a present time frame, I find my happiness has been much more constant and steady. I have fewer ups and downs, and definitely less downs. When I do live in the past or future, I do so with some sense of awareness. I am cautious when I think outside the present moment. Living in the present has led me to take action. Actions really do speak louder than words (more on this in my next post). I spend more time really doing what I want, and doing what I want typically brings me happiness. You can have all the brains in the world, but it's what you do with them that matters.
So know what you want, and do what you want. It's okay to not always know what you want though. If you don't know what you want, make your time frame smaller. If you don't know what you want for your career, focus on what you want for the year ahead. If you don't know what your goals are for the year, limit yourself to thinking about what you want for the month or what you want for one day. Do this for each activity in your life--your career, your projects, your weight loss, your thinking. Just choose a time frame that feels doable and appropriate. If its not doable, you won't do it. Duh. Eventually, you will live in the moment and see clearly all the choices before you at every second. When you are aware of those choices, you are better able to act in a way that will bring you happiness.

"I got the blues thinking of the future, so I left off and made some marmalade. It's amazing how it cheers one up to shred oranges and scrub the floor." --D.H. Lawrence

Here is a webpage with some quotes I like about past, present, and future.

Now quit thinking about this crap and go shred some oranges! One day at a time.

Thursday, July 14, 2011

Happiness--A Sometimes Not So Simple Task.

"We choose the path we take but sometimes the path can change. The East becomes the West, the North becomes the South, the normal becomes the abnormal, and the fantasy becomes reality."



Early this week a very dear lady asked me, "How do you maintain a constant state of happiness?" I chuckled to myself and very simply replied, "I don't." I am not in the business of perpetual happiness. I am in the business of life. I see no reason to be unhappy, but sometimes there is so much more to experiencing life than reason alone. Sometimes, emotion trumps reason. And I'm okay with that. To the very dear lady, I went on to explain my statement with what shaped up quite nicely into my unofficial pseudo-guidelines for experiencing life:

(1) Every action is the result of a choice.
Every move I make is the direct result of a personal choice. These choices can be acted upon sub-consciously or consciously, but my actions are the results of choice-making either way. One must live with the choices one makes; so choose wisely, for a future spent looking back is not a happy future. To live consciously is to act with awareness. To act with awareness is to live in the moment.
(2) Live in the present.
When you live consciously and act with awareness, you release yourself of your past and future. A mind occupied by thoughts outside of the present moment is a cluttered mind. Your best can not come from a multi-tasking mind. When you live in the past, you live with regrets. When you live in the future, you live with worry. Neither regret nor worry can bring happiness. The present presents you with choices that determine your future, and happiness is a choice.
(3) When in doubt, respond to life with logic and reason.
If for some reason you become lost in life, and you find you can not live with the choices you have made, take action so that your future may be different from your unhappy present. Should you find the thought of your life unbearable, try a different lifestyle on for size. Any new or atypical action is a step away from your momentary circumstances and a step toward happiness.
(4) Love.
When one is able to love and accept oneself, one is better able to love others; and to love others creates an exquisite natural and self-perpetuating high. Giving love to others brings love and positivity into your life. The more you give, the more you get. Feeding on that positive energy creates more positive energy upon which others may feed.

I've learned in the last six months that life can be lived as fast or slow as you want it to be lived. You can play by the rules or you can break them. You can sit passively or you can stand actively. You can use your mind, or you can depend on the minds of others. Bottom line, actively participate in your life; make choices that have consequences with which you can live happily. And when you lose sight of that--which, we all do--do something about it. All hope can never be lost. Never is it too late to turn your circumstances around. Tonight I dealt with some demons. I used logic to forgive myself and free my soul at last of some past regrets. I acted.





The Task of Happiness
If I have faltered more or less
In my great task of happiness;
If I have moved among my race
And shown no glorious morning face;
If beams from happy human eyes
Have moved me not: if morning skies,
Books, and my food, and summer rain
Knocked on my sullen heart in vain:--
Lord, Thy most pointed pleasure take
And stab my spirit broad awake;
Or, Lord, if too obdurate I,
Choose Thou, before that spirit die,
A piercing pain, a killing sin,
And to my dead heart run them in!
--Robert Louis Stevenson

Monday, July 4, 2011

Relationships.

I am flipping through Colleen Baldrica's book, Tree Spirited Woman. It's sort of like every other book on "spiritual awakenings" and all that inspirational self-help jazz, but this is geared more toward women to make it just that much cheesier. Anyway, it's just a small booklet, which I find handy and easy in my fast-paced life this summer. It's not big enough to feel daunting. It's just the right size to keep my brain turning on a slow moment.
This morning I read a section about relationships. It made me smile to think of all the new relationships I formed this last school year, and how all my previous relationships changed so dramatically too. Good god. I experienced an abundance of awkward moments this last year--all of which are streaming through my mind in great detail at the moment.

It's funny when you allow yourself to step outside your mind and consider what may be going on in the minds of those around you. I know that I am not at all static, and I am incredibly dynamic. I get into trouble though when I assume that those around me are static. People change. People change on a long-term scale over the course of years, and people change on a very short-term scale. What upsets a friend one day may not bother them at all the next day. And then the next day the very same thing might infuriate them. It's all a matter of what has been going on in their life up to those moments. And unless you are foolishly forgetting to live your life, you cannot be expected to live and understand the lives of others in an attempt to gauge their reactions. Live for yourself. Tread lightly in the lives of others and understand those around you are always changing.

On that note, I especially love looking at relationships I've shared for more than a few years. Some people I used to hate I now consider great friends, and I think of them fondly. Some I loved dearly years ago I am now not so close with. Some I hardly knew at all years ago I am now intrigued by. I have changed. They have changed. I guess I will have to wait and see how these same relationships change in five more years.

No matter what the dynamics of each relationship in my life, you can bet I love them all. Every relationship serves a purpose and fulfills different human needs. Each one is unique and has its own dynamics. You may learn from it, or the person on the other end may learn from it. A relationship is a relationship. Foster each of your relationships in a way best-suited to that relationship.



Life's Mirror



There are loyal hearts, there are spirits brave,

There are souls that are pure and true;

Then give to the world the best you have,

And the best will come back to you.



Give love, and love to your life will flow,

A strength in your utmost need;

Have faith, and a score of hearts will show

Their faith in your word and deed.



For life is the mirror of king and slave;

'Tis just what we are and do;

Then give to the world the best you have,

And the best will come back to you.

--Madeline Bridges

Sunday, July 3, 2011

Happy Thoughts 2

Just being happy is a fine thing to do;
Looking on the bright side rather than the blue;
Sad or sunny musing
Is largely in the choosing,
And just being happy is brave work and true.

Just being happy helps other souls along;
Their burdens may be heavy and they not strong;
And your own sky will lighten,
If other skies you brighten
By just being happy with a heart full of song.

--Ripley D. Saunders.